Sunday, November 06, 2011
Be Prepared to Move On
A tough thing in this journey of mine is that it currently looks like the only connection to my children I will have is to my oldest son who is "stuck" in town because his wife has a lot of family in the area. I believe that is the base reason behind his wanting a "relationship" with my wife and I. This seems to be mostly words with me, as he has not taken an effort to really reach out to me beyond phone calls and I am not willing to shove my way into his life after so much past direction. As the saying goes, the ball is in his court. The other 3 children are all actively ignoring us, with all 3 living in the area of their birth family. I can understand their desire to move there, but the lack of any phone calls demonstrates that their connection to us is quite weak, if any connection really exists at all. My youngest daughter did call me on my birthday early in the summer, but that is the last we have heard from her. She seemed to be fairly close to my wife in the past, so my wife is taking this much harder than I am. It is just a continuation of the same old thing for me. I will probably write more later, but the key thing I am realizing is that their personality and connections were laid before we came into the picture. Even though they came to us at ages almost 3 to 7, they had already developed a tight bond with their birth family and could therefore not really accept a bond with us as that seemed to violate the role of the birth parents. This is sad as my wife and I were the ones who raised them. Fortunately, no one can take the good parts of those years away. We have to move on with our lives. If they ever really desire to come back into our lives, they can reach out to us, but we are going to do our best to not allow their attitudes to limit our future.