Thursday, December 17, 2009

Ups and Downs

As I noted in my last post, I have had a bit of a restored relationship with our youngest daughter. That is a good thing, but I note that my own feelings go up and down. I really try to stay up, so I can support my children as they need it, but it is hard to stay up all the time, even after a seeming success.

Those heading into this route need to realize they may never achieve the true family they are seeking. I am not sure my children really know what a father is at this point.

The birthfather thinks biology is destiny, and it is to some extent. They all are still pulled to him, even though he continually falls short of what they want from him. Their expectations and desires of him are likely a bit high, but many are just "time and attention" needs. Ironically though, they don't always seek that from me, though perhaps I didn't do it right either. We all have our challenges being the ideal parent you see on so many "parenting success" shows, so neither he nor I can meet what they want.

That said, their is an element of respect for a father that is definitely missing in my children. The birthfamily did not really have that, at least not in the manner I was raised.

No solutions here, just some thoughts that hopefully can help someone else out, especially if you are starting this path.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Getting Back Inovlved in Lives

All of our children left home at 17, which is quite legal in Texas. (Though you remain liable for them until they are 18. That is not right.)

I had a feeling our youngest was pregnant when she left home last spring and I was right. She turned 18 in August and it turned out she was pregnant about the time she left. I was able to visit with her and her boyfriend last week and I offered to pay for their marriage license and they took me up on it!

It wasn't quite what I had hoped, but I got to be present at here marriage ceremony with the judge (JP). They were quite happy. I returned home the day before she had her baby.

It also turned out my wife was able to get 3 days off in a row, so I got to bring her to also see our daughter and son-in-law and new granddaughter. A cute child, though one that will face some challenges in this life. I pray they all find God's peace and strength and have direction as they walk through life.

It is nice to have at least some involvement again now. Being 10 hours away isn't great, but is doable on occasion.

She is very upset with the birthfather, but he acted somewhat poorly when they decided to leave. Ironically, he is harming the very relationship he wants by his actions. I believe she still wants a relationship with him (something I encourage, even though he is completely hostile to me now), since that is such a key part of her heart.

More about this in the future.