When my son and daughter-in-law moved in early last summer we made a few "rules" they were to abide by (help out significantly around the house, regular weekly "family" meetings, regular church attendance somewhere, no dog). Well, my wife (the cat lady) rapidly caved on the last one and they have a small dog as does my teen daughter (who is only home a couple of days a week now, but that is another story). The meetings and church went out the window quickly. The help around the house is debatable. My wife and I think it is not enough, though they tend to think they are almost doing too much.
We are due to be grandparents in a little over a month, but I am not sure if we are helping or hindering them, in the long run, at this point. My son can't take any questioning of his effort, or lack thereof. My daughter-in-law has challenges of her own. A year ago I would have said I would never get in this situation, yet here I am. Too much of this reminds me of his early teen years where he always claimed he was doing plenty, yet did little. He swears it is different now, but I don't completely see it.
At least he is working full time (mostly) and she is working part time. I guess I have to live with what I do have, at least for now. Having a baby (crying? screaming?) will be good in a sense, but a possible point of manipulation and likely a lot of loss sleep for all of us. I wonder if it will be worth it.