I thought things would be better when the two oldest were finally out of the house and later I thought letting the third oldest would help. It did in the day-to-day stress level, but I seem to be battling with depression a lot more these days. Having 3 children abandon you for someone else, blood tie or not, is a tougher thing to handle than many may realize. I plan on commenting on this more later, but I think it is vitally important for men facing this to have some really solid supports around. Unfortunately, I have none. I am effectively "on my own" it seems.
We are in a great new church, but it is a struggle to find my place and see how much I can fit in there. I don't think my wife really gets the depth of things either, at least for me, since she seems to just discount it saying (in essence) that I should just "get over it."
I don't know how it is for other adoptive fathers out there, but I was quite willing to build a family however it came. I didn't expect to have nothing after 13 or so years of investment. :(
It may ultimately turn out better, but it is still pretty bleak now.