Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Another Boomerang

Our youngest, her husband and daughter are all back in our home. After several bumps, this seemed the best thing for them to do and they were ready for it.

It is tough going from a nice quiet "alone" house to one with others in it and not just for a holiday time. While it is worthwhile, it will require sacrifices for my wife and I as well.

More comments on my thoughts on things, colored by this, in the near future.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

No Guarantees

I get tired of hearing phrases like, "you have no promises with birth children either." While the intent is good and it holds some truth, it is not completely accurate. Birth children can stray and go bad, but none have another individual who can rightfully have a claim to your role. I have to constantly deal with the fact that another man claims the role of "father" to my exclusion, in spite of my attempt to be open to him.

This has greatly contributed to my alienation with 2 of my children, but is unavoidable. I believe the father is still the one who raises a child, but I have to content with someone else. That is not true when a birth child "goes bad"!

It is a rough path and words that minimize the negative impact don't really help, they just trivialize things and leave people in or open to more pain. It would be much better to deal with the reality that many of the children in the foster care system will never bond with a "good" family, no matter how much they need it.

Tough truth, but better to deal with the truth and learn how to work past it rather than to deny or ignore it and be sideswiped!


Stirring Up Buried Hurts

My wife and I attended a large local adoption event encouraging those attending to adopt children in the foster care system. While they presented more open-eyed view, I think many still don't realize how rough that path can be.

While I could probably adopt another individual child or sibling group, in spite of our past troubles, I am not sure my wife could do the same. This raised the question of what value the time had for my wife.

While it seemed rather silly, I believe it was part of our ongoing healing process. We have been through a lot and will likely go through a lot more.

She could not handle so much discussion of it at the end of our time there, but I think God used it to help heal a bit more in her life, especially. I probably got sum, but I am often ready to plow ahead whatever happens! :)