Saturday, November 01, 2008

Tough to Stay Positive

I went into the whole adoption experience with a lot of positive energy and excitement about the whole thing. While I definitely didn't work through everything, I was sure this was a good way to go and would really work out well.

On the one hand, it has worked out better for my children than it would have, especially if they had stayed in the system for their growing up years, something an older sibling got stuck with. They also almost certainly have been split up.

Yet for all this, they fall so short of achievement in their lives that it is discouraging. I am not referring to the aspect of meeting some parent's goals of living vicariously through them (though the often accuse me of that), I am referring to the desire to really accomplish any major goal in their lives. Somethings they do talk about a goal, but they rarely pursue something with their whole heart.

I should note an exception to that is my youngest son, but his pursuit is in to some weird stuff that is not ultimately likely to really help him much in his career or even in a solid hobby and personal relationships. Ah well.

I have no trouble with failure along the way. I have certainly failed enough myself, but you have to be trying to get somewhere to fail successfully.

I wonder if this is a general "adopted child" issue or if it is special to my children. Probably a mix of both. My wife is not overly motivated, so they can latch onto that to reject anything that looks like motivation in their lives, claiming it is just me wanting them to be "just like me". No, I want them to be the best "them" they can be, but that is an uphill push.



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